A Nude Rue McClanahan

Now did that catch your attention or are you still clawing out your eyes in pain and anguish?

She's not really nude actually, but you can catch Rue McClanahan stripping in the 1968 Hollywood After Dark, with film commentary provided by Mike and the 'bots from Mystery Science Theater 3000-only it is not really "Mike and the 'bots" but rather "Mike and the human 'bot incarnations." This is part of their new (hopefully series) Film Crew project which my Mike and I rented from Netflix.

Hollywood After Dark, like most MST3K films, is incredibly painful to watch on its own, but entirely amusing with MST3K-style razzing. I think the movie itself has something to do with a bipolar junkyard supervisor/hipster/strip club administrator finding love and committing some type of crime for a man with rabbit teeth. I think someone gets killed with a lamp. Anyways, Rue places the love interest and there is a lot of stripping. Scary, scary stripping.

The host segments pretty much suck but to MST3K fans, it is gratifying to know-it's back. And with naughty language too!

But also a semi-clad Rue McClanahan.

And everybody was Kung-fu fighting...

Them cat's were fast as lightning.

Just caught Live Free or Die Hard today. It was a pretty entertaining romp through the mid-Atlantic region of the Eastern Seaboard. But I'm not really here to talk about that.

What I do want to talk about is the trailer for War, due out August 27.

For those of you who don't know me, I used to teach at the Boston Kung-fu/Tai-chi Club up in the Bay State. I started training in the martial arts when I was 13 in New York, learning Ryu-Renshi Dan and Shotokan Karate. I moved on to modern Wu-shu, tinged by Hun-gar, and dabbled in Aikido and Jow-Ga. I get geeked up for good martial arts films.

Honestly, they don't even have to be that good - they just need to be entertaining.

Jet Li is one hell of a martial artist, and Statham isn't shabby, particularly for someone who first learned it, by some reports, for the movies (hell, I'd known a few who had trained for years who don't look as sharp as he does). I'm hoping it's a decent script. Even if it's not, I'm probably going to see this one. After a number of poor choices that I will write off to a lack of familiarity with the English language, Li has rebuilt his reputation with movies like Hero, Fearless, and Unleashed.

Statham was entertaining in The Transporter, and its weaker sequel, not to mention the weak scripted adrenaline-rush, Crank.

So, yes, I realize there is potential for all sorts of badness here, a-la Kiss of the Dragon, but I've already got my Martial-Arts geek on, based on the trailer I saw in front of Live Free or Die Hard. And if it sucks, come fall, I'll wash the taste out of my mouth with Balls of Fury, due out August 30.

Wait...that sounded gay, didn't it?

I got a two in three chance...

65%

My Sister-in-law and Superman

Recently my sister-in-law made a great observation over on her blog. She talks a little bit about the fact that the super-hero so closely associated with "the American Way," is an illegal alien, and the irony of that, given the current immigration debate.

The funny thing about Kal-el, Superman, or Clark Kent...whichever name you choose to use, is that he's not just any illegal alien. He is the ultimate illegal alien. He's not even of this world, let alone this country.

Created by Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster, both sons of Jewish immigrants of European descent, Superman's alien heritage can be thought of as highly symbolic of not just their backgrounds, but the backbone upon which all of the United States was built. It was no accident that the character was written as an alien.

The funny thing is, when taken as a whole - the heroes we read about in the comic books as we grew up were all criminals. Just look at DC's line-up - Superman, Wonder Woman, and J'onn J'onzz were all illegal immigrants, or aliens. All, including Batman, Green Lantern, The Flash, and others, are vigilantes - behavior considered criminal by law.

Consider the further irony of the saber-rattlers who wrap themselves in the flag and call for English to be declared the official language, and who want to close our borders. Let's just take English. Last I checked, they speak German in Germany, Japanese in Japan, and Italian in Italy - yet in America, we speak English - a language this country inherited from another country. If we really want to be AMERICAN, maybe we should look at the languages and dialects of the Cherokee, or Sioux, or Huron.

They were here long before whites...which brings me to my next point.

We are the cast-offs of the rest of the world, other country's refuse. Without immigration, legal or otherwise, we would not have Albert Einstein (would not have won World War II), Ayn Rand, Carnegie-Mellon University, John F. Kennedy, pizza, or hot dogs (a close relative of the German bratwurst). Those are just a fraction of the things and people we would be without. Hell, even our language is a mish-mash of German, French, Latin, and the old Anglo-Saxon languages.

Let's look at, say, Ron Lewandowski - a regional director with the Minutemen, a self-appointed group of America's protectors. The last time I checked, Lewandowski was a Polish name. Not exactly Native American, if you know what I mean.

Personally, I have grandparents who arrived on these shores by way of Italy and Ireland.

Is there a better way for these people to come into the country? It's hard to say - but I do know that trying to close our borders and rounding up millions of illegal immigrants is kind of like sticking your thumb in a leaky dike as a tsunami is about to crash.

If, as a people, we let the concept of isolationism take over and allow small minded bigots to pass legislation that destroys any chance for these people to become legal citizens, we should remove the sign from the Statue of Liberty that exhorts other countries to give us their poor, sick, and huddled masses. Remove it and replace it with a sign that reads "foreigners go home." And then we should tell the writers throughout the comic book industry to go to hell, because the criminals they write about don't reflect the "American Way."

Fantasy geeks rejoice

What is best in life?

To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of the women.

It appears, according to Cinematical, that a new Conan movie may be in the plans at New Line. Cinematical reports that New Line has an 18-month window on the rights with one option to extend the rights of unreported duration.

With Conan the Governor immersed in the political machinations of California, and Mako having passed away, the casting for one of the roles that has become inexorably linked with Shwarzenegger's acting career is now wide open. I expect that the names that Hollywood will come up with for the old pulp-novel and comic book stand-by will include the likes of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, or even John Cena.

It's hard to see anyone other than Arnie in the roll...that said, it should be noted that he wasn't cast for his acting ability, or that funny look he gets on his face when he's straining really hard and gritting his teeth. He was cast for the exact same reason that anyone of those wrestling stars would be cast - because they're large, muscle bound creatures that would be a match for the physicality of the roll. Let the speculation begin.

Personally, if they had to go with one of the wrestlers, I vote for The Rock. Ten years ago I would have gone with Kevin Sorbo. If they don't want to go pro wrestler, I could also see them looking at Vin Diesel.

The more I speculate about this, the bigger a car wreck it feels like.

Comic books, the movies and the last 17 years...

The better part of the last two decades have seen probably the most successful marriage of the comic book and film industries ever. Sure, there were adaptations for film and television of some of the biggest names in the comic book industry that predate 1990 - most notably the Adam West Batman series and films and the early Superman serials and the George Reeves series, not to mention the reinvention of the character in 1978 with Christopher Reeve.

Since 1990 and Tim Burton's popular butchering of Batman, we have seen everything from the cerebral American Splendor, to the heroic X-Men, to the heroic Goth tragedy The Crow (boy, there's a mouthful). Some have been excellent, others less so.

For my money, the ten best have been (the order is pretty much subject to change on my whim, but this is pretty much how I see it) -

1. American Splendor - How Paul Giamatti didn't get at least a best actor nomination out of this is beyond me. The movie may deal with many more serious issues than other comic book adaptations, but this little slice of Harvey Pekar's life is absolutely fascinating, in part because of how it was filmed, but in larger part because of Giamatti.

2. A History of Violence - Admittedly, I am coming from only one side of this, having never read the graphic novel, but for a movie, it was pretty damn good. Worth watching, if for no other reason than to see the performance of William Hurt.

3. The Crow - Honestly, I enjoyed Brandon Lee's swan song more than the comic book itself. Dark and moody, this is the movie that Burton's Batman should have been. Even Michael Wincott who played the villain in The Crow was a better villain than Jack Nicholson's Joker.

4. Blade - Very nice adaptation of one of Marvel's fringe characters. Good action, decent acting, and nice development of their very own mythology surrounding Vampires.

5. Batman Begins - Finally, a Batman movie that was shot right, cast right (Katie Holmes notwithstanding), and scripted right. Ironic though that it took pretty much a British cast to get the American super hero right.

6. Spider-man - Outside of making the Green Goblin look like some sort of nouveau sports mascot, I was impressed with the adaptation's faithfulness (in spite of certain liberties, such as the biological webbing) to the comic book, and personally had no issue with Kirsten Dunst as Mary Jane as many fans do. The character itself is kind of innocuous, so why would I be bothered by any vaguely competent actor in the roll?

7. X-Men - An entertaining action film well done from beginning to end.

8. Heavy Metal - This animated piece, dated by today's standards, is a personal favorite, and I know, not to everyone's taste. I never understood the need to string the vignettes together, as most of the stories probably would have stood on their own. Like the magazine, the stories varied from the comic, to the tragic, to the melodramatic...and it always reminds me of college, but that's a different story.

9. Sin City - Frank Miller's homage to the noir detective stories of the 1940's. If you go into it expecting a deep and meaningful film, be prepared to be disappointed.

10. The Rocketeer - Reminiscent of the 1940's serials, upon which the comic book was based, this was just fun. Pay particular attention to Timothy Dalton and Alan Arkin who appear to be enjoying their parts more than anyone else in the picture.

There are plenty of others that I would consider - Akira, Men in Black, The Mask are all worthy, and on another day, one of them might bump one of the above. For today, though, that's my list.

I would love to hear what others have to say about their favorites, or what you might disagree with that made my list.

Movie Review: The Fountain

Okay, here I am chiming in with a movie review.

As the mom of a two year old with a simmering distain for rude movie-goers, I have gotten into the habit of waiting until things come out on DVD to watch them. This is remarkable, given a five year period when I saw virtually everything in the theater (I worked at a movie theater and saw things for free-those were the days).

So The Fountain. Have you ever had that feeling where you are feeling suicidal, but need that extra push to get you to actually "go through with it"? Then The Fountain is the movie for you! Let me tell you, it has the one thing you need-90 minutes of meditation on the inevitability of death.

I haven't even quite decided if I know what was going on in the film, let alone if I liked it. I can say that I am not sure if it works. Apparently I am not the only one. Scouring the Internet for other conversations on what exactly this film might be about, I could not find a consensus. And whether one loves it or hates it seems to be the main talking point-there is no middle ground.

It is definitely the type of film that could be dissected in a film class, but does not make for an enjoyable Saturday night flick. But if you are feeling particulary pensive and desire to drown in your sorrows or want to join in the discussion about this very strange film, Netflix it and brew yourself up a nice cup of tea, 'cause it'll be a long night.